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Mr. Harper's Honeymoon in Afghanistan - Feb.25.2006

By Gary Morton at http://CitizensontheWeb.ca

Stephen Harper found himself under attack when he first stepped into office ... or rather it was the other way around. Canadians found themselves under attack and the media retaliated to a certain extent. There was the appointment of a lobbyist to the defense post, an unelected political hack parachuted into Cabinet, and the immediate jump of Liberal David Emerson into Harper's lap.

Citizens are still campaigning and suing in regards to Emerson. It's in the news ... but what isn't in the commentary is criticism of the continued wayward drift of the Conservative Party and our federal government.

As citizen brides let's take stock of our honeymoon with Stephen. How has it gone? Well, a couple days back we got the sad news that the marriage will not be consummated. It seems the husband is in bed with Gilles Duceppe and the Conservatives will be governing arm in arm with the Bloc. Isn't that great, Gilles has come along with us on the honeymoon.

It's a hot deal, but not as hot as it is here in the honeymoon hotel in Afghanistan. Of course this was all Stephen's idea … making that first romantic trip one to Afghanistan.

Now we can show the rest of Canada via photo-ops the good things our 2,000 soldiers are doing here. If the trip is not cut short by al Qaeda terrorists Canadians will see lovely travel shots of Afghanistan and a few choice clips of those few residents and small children that have benefited from our largess and medical technology. A large majority of Canadians believe we shouldn't be in Afghanistan (62%) and this will be an opportunity to convince them that we need to be more involved in the war on terror. Maybe even in Iraq where a civil war is now underway.

What our fellow Canadians won't see is the stuff behind the cardboard cutouts. Our troops are now combat troops, working with the Americans to bring us to their side when it comes to aggression and inhumane treatment of prisoners and civilian populations. When the media shows the photo-op of that small boy being treated by our miraculous medical science, it won't show the rest of the Afghan population which has slipped to a level of poverty and child poverty equivalent to parts of Africa. No one will mention that when it comes to economic wellbeing our installed democracy performs poorer than the Taliban and Soviet occupiers did. There'll be no film of the flourishing opium crops or the mass destruction of war that has never been repaired. It won’t be noted that we are short three quarters of a billion dollars just to sustain the present Canadian Forces and have no real money to help the local population.

We will see the glories of the Afghan democracy we helped create.... and let's see ... Afghan democracy is a system where murderous warlords are members of parliament. The president over this parliament and nation is a guy name Hamid Karzai ... who can't step from his kitchen to his bathroom without being surrounded by at least fifty heavily armed bodyguards. Of course not being able to travel isn't much of a hindrance to him because his government has no power outside of Kabul.

Canada is ruling up in Kandahar ... as more or less part of the occupation combat force. That's right; our lovely troops aren't peacekeepers anymore. The idea of us being peacekeeping good guys is mostly spin. We're in the search and destroy game now ... and we are a field force of heavily armed men on a hunt for terrorists in a country where 90 percent of adult men could be classified as armed militants.

Yes the media won’t pull aside the veil, and we will be wearing ours, because in this country 99.9 percent of women are still victims of the male oppression we failed to eliminate.

But let's not forget that this is a honeymoon. We want to bring the best pictures home ... but only so we can burn them after the divorce. And the judge? Where is that judge? Whoops, it looks like Stephen got wise. He’s put Mr. Rothstein up for the appointment. Rothstein is the same fellow who approved the patenting of the Harvard Mouse and that’s bad new for the divorce. Our lawyer advises that Judge Rothstein will likely rule in favour of Stephen Harper, finding that his genetically modified penis is an enhancement that should be patented and not grounds for divorce.

It’s enough to make us cry, especially when the news of that unwanted pregnancy has just come in. Stephen is fiercely against abortion, even though the marriage is off and the child was really fathered by Gilles Duceppe. And look, here comes Stephen's Minister of Finance. Jim Flaherty is on the apron now and he's announcing that he's immediately killing off spaces for 40,000 Canadian children, because, as he says, that's what we voted for. Perhaps that child will have to be raised somewhere in the new country of Quebec.

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