Harper’s Mr. Burns

By Gary Morton, December.19.2007

 

   With a new poll out showing Stephen Harper’s support in free fall nationwide we have to wonder how much of the discontent comes from the resignation of former Alliance fundraiser Michael C. Burns from his job as Chair of the Board of Directors of Atomic Energy of Canada Limited (AECL).

 

   Perhaps the issue hasn’t attracted the wide-eyed attention John Baird drew as he led Canada through the bruising gauntlet of worldwide condemnation in Bali, but surely there is some political fallout over the critical shortage of medical isotopes that came after the shutdown of the Chalk River nuclear reactor.

 

   Initially Harper was adamant in blaming Linda Keen of the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission as he cussed about Liberal appointees. Then it seems he got on the phone with Mr. Burns and there was a conversation like this one.

 

Burns: “Damn that Homer, I’m sure he’s the source of the leaks. I’m going to fire that idiot.”

 

Harper: “Duh, er … what leaks … just forget about Homer. Nuclear safety is a large issue for us right now. We have a testy issue of radiation contamination in Port Hope. In addition, people are saying that your people at the AECL lied to the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission. You said the upgrades needed for license renewal were completed when they weren’t.”

 

Mr. Burns: “Damn that Homer! I’m sure it was him.”

 

Harper: “But you knew about it. Why weren’t the backup cooling systems put in as promised? You know what Three Mile Island means. My advisors tell me AECL serves utilities and other nuclear customers worldwide. Our nuclear waste management services, and science laboratories are supposed to be the best in the world. You’ve made me look like an idiot and Canada look like an even bigger idiot. We had to restart Chalk River without the cooling backup and play the whole problem down.”

 

Mr. Burns: “Uh … you appointed me. I don’t think I should have to resign over this. Homer Simpson hid the paperwork from me. I didn’t know about cooling systems.”

 

Harper: “You assured the House of Commons that the reactor at Chalk Lake would be safe and up and running. So it’s over, and you’re out. As for Homer … I guess he gets a new boss. One that will guarantee that there’ll be no nuclear accident and our medical isotopes will be on the market for the cancer patients that need them.”

 

Meanwhile at Chalk River “ …… Whoohooooeeee! Marg … it’s me, Homer … the whole place is shaking here … this earthquake is going to be fun……………….”

 

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