Pumpkin & his Chainsaw
© By Gary L Morton
A Walking Dead Man Tale
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Late afternoon bit
Pumpkin like a mangy dog,
leaving him quivering with agitation as he stared out at the wilted leaves
falling in the wood lot. Autumn made him feel crumpled and dead like the rest of
the city. It was a season he hated and a time when he needed regular fixes to
feel alive again.
always came around the corner as his biggest fix. The bewitched day was really
the only good thing about fall. It was also the reason he'd been nicknamed
Pumpkin. On all other days, he existed as the watcher and the voyeur, yet on
Halloween he became the doer. Rubber worms in the candy apples, puke pills in
the orange kisses, firecrackers in the doorways, obscene messages sprayed on the
courthouse windows, LSD in the prom punch, paint bombs and spikes on the
highway, burning hay on the tracks, firing blanks at the suckers near the mall
while dressed as the Reaper. Pumpkin had pulled just about every mean prank
going, and he’d never been caught.
he’d settle for nothing less than the spectacular. Something grand that would
get him remembered as more than an aging smart-ass wearing orange clothes half
of the time. More than a pathetic fool needing quick stunts to even get noticed.
He did have
a plan in motion, and he grinned at the thought. Getting up he went over to his
computer. “Time to check my e-mail, and see if Marvin bought the bait,” he
mouse he watched the screen light up and he grinned when he saw the tiny e-mail
jack-o-lantern waving a Jolly Roger.
Yo Pumpkin! Hear at ScrewView web we pay close attention to the groovy ideas of
our top subscribers. Youre idea to web broadcast a Halloween orgy is a great
one. Consider it on - beginnin at 9 p.m. on the bewitched evening. Start page
for this live webcam video extravaganza is screwview.com/hallofilm.htm And we
have more then 3000 paying viewers lined up for a show with ten full camera
We'd appreciate any donations for costumes and setup as this is on short notice.
Contact me immediately if you know any partners who can help.
* Life is just a bowl of cherries, waiting to get popped.
Cool! Cool! Cool! Marvin. I can help with costumes and stuff. Not just money
wise. I mean, I have the real stuff. A friend of mine has a costume store and I
can twist his arm for a lot of costumes and black webbing and rubber bats and
stuff. Believe it or not I also have a pumpkin patch at my house so I can bring
some pumpkins. As you should recall I also live in Toronto. So get back to me as
to when I can drop a vanload of the stuff out to you people at the screwview
* Just livin’ on the pussy's cutting edge.
orange explosion marked the end of sunset in the west.
Standing by the chain link fence Pumpkin watched as twilight blue filtered into
the mist trails down in the valley. A line of cops in navy uniforms poked
through the tall weeds by the watercourse there. They'd been combing through the
area for about a week, looking for clues on a bedroom rapist who used those
tunnels and gullies as an escape route. Personally, Pumpkin hoped they would
corner the guy and blast his head off. The jerk just had no right to commit
crimes like that without filming them for everyone else to see.
As the cops
faded into the mist, he perceived them as little toy men locked inside a small
bubble of right and wrong. Another bubble of petty desire contained the
rampaging rapist. And perhaps the darkening sky was the biggest bubble - sealing
everyone in Toronto in a prison.
lived they were voyeurs, Pumpkin was sure of that. Because you never saw them
but they were always there like evil jack-o-lanterns looking through the glass
at people and their follies. They could shake the whole world like a bauble, and
play the biggest prank of all by snowing down shit on everyone.
rained shit on Pumpkin's life since he was a kid. Some of it was sexual abuse
crap he wanted to forget but often couldn't. And now that he was remembering it,
the gods were making him mad.
filled him and he turned away from the fence. Powering up his Greenwood chainsaw
he eased the spinning blade forward and leaned into the trunk of a dying pine.
shook his arms as the blade bit in deep and spat sawdust. The resistance jarred
his bones and pulsed in his blood and brain. And it soothed him, causing his
anger to fade and the disturbed feeling to vanish. It was the black magic of the
chainsaw; it cut down trees and bad moods, leaving a neat pile of brush and
fresh cut wood filled the cool autumn air. Pumpkin inhaled deeply, feeling a
sort of relaxed euphoria as he crunched through the leaves and sawdust to the
pumpkin patch. Pausing there, he studied his prize and aging melons. He patted a
giant then his eyes went to the smaller ones that would soon be wearing
Halloween faces. “Wonderful, wonderful things they'll see,” he thought. Then he
turned and went up the steps to the porch. It was time to drive over to Marvin's
penthouse and lay the final plans.
Leaves blew on the back alley wind and scratched Pumpkin
like some dead fingers of the darkness and the season. He watched grimly as
Marvin's lackeys unloaded the van of its Halloween fare.
moment, he stared up at the bright lights of the penthouse. Then he felt Marvin
tap him on the shoulder.
up there,” Marvin said, his eyes like glowing like a cat's. “And whenever the
action begins we seal the stairwells. Only one elevator for access. There's no
way the police can raid us if we shut it down, and we got enough of them paid
off, so a raid's not likely anyway.”
pulled a tiny orange orb from his pocket. It had the face of a jack-o-lantern.
He handed it silently to Marvin.
this?” Marvin said.
“It's a high
definition web cam that looks like a pumpkin. I packed a few of them in with the
decorations. I figure you can use them in place of the plain ones for better
thought of everything. Don't worry; you'll get your reward when my big black rod
goes into action on some blonds. Just e-mail me a rap sheet. What you want to
see. I'll pass it to the young ladies.”
Pumpkin waited as the autumn days passed.
They were slow and dark
like the smoke of bonfires and they seemed endless. When Halloween did finally
come, he could feel the orange flames, burning in a jack-o-lantern in his brain.
In the early
evening costumed children, their parents and all of the cute stuff fluttered by
like cartoon bats as he impatiently walked the streets. And it was only as the
clock neared 9 p.m. that he came alive.
came to life at nine sharp and a web view appeared of a cavern-like penthouse
and a lot of painted women, dressed mostly in leather and black netting. Marvin
did his introduction wearing only a lion cloth and jewelry. His black skin
gleamed with oil and if he wore a shit eater's grin, it was probably because he
would eat shit if a subscriber paid him to do it.
also revealed two naked blonde women necking on the rug behind him. Other camera
angles revealed more opening action. Screwview.com liked to give the impression
of 24-hr sex at the penthouse.
forces of Halloween witchcraft have possessed us and we're having a party,”
Marvin said. He spread his arms dramatically and was about to continue when a
loud rattle and bang caused him to jump.
suddenly slid open behind him revealing an elevator and a man in an orange
Halloween costume. Marvin glanced back and saw the man's skull mask and shopping
bag and since it was only Pumpkin and not the cops, he turned back to the
cameras. “Welcome to our big Halloween Screw at screwview.com,” he said, and
then he signaled for the action to begin.
And as he
did, Pumpkin pulled his rigged chainsaw from his shopping bag, powered it up as
he stepped forward, and planted the whirring chains between Marvin's shoulder
through before Marvin could scream; though his expression became one of surprise
as blood spurted out of his mouth. A moment later, the blade and flying gore
emerged from Marvin's chest. Then Pumpkin yanked it back out and shouldered the
collapsing body aside.
began as the corpse thumped to the rug. Pumpkin pulled off his mask and spoke
above the noise. “Everybody's screwed, just like Marvin said,” he announced.
“Plus the title's been changed to Pumpkin's Halloween Chainsaw Massacre.”
stairwells sealed and the elevator out of order, only those who jumped to their
death escaped the magic of the chainsaw. Pumpkin's face remained white and calm
amid the storm of flying blood. He felt the vibrations lifting him, relaxing him
with euphoria, just like when he cut a pine.
. . . . .
. . . . .